We live in a world that only values other people as a source of love and happiness. Even when finding a photo for this page, I searched for SELF-LOVE and was struck down with a load of images of couples (with every hair in place) holding expectant baby shoes. I have in the past played victim to the way society demands I see love. It is virtually impossible not to. We are programmed by the perfect relationships on a cinema screen, then have to settle for something less in real life - and this promotes a sense of something lost. The truth is, the relationships that come to us all depend on our self-worth.

 

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Halve Your Speed

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Halt everything for a moment, and realise how fast you have been moving trying to 'complete things'. The best actions come from clear and unhurried intention. You can start doing this right now.

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When we panic about the past or the future, we tend to flick our eyes around the room, move quickly, or shake. We are told to breathe deeply, but this actually continues to stimulate the body, which believes there is still something to panic about. Slow everything right down. That is the best way to come back to the present moment. Don’t just breathe slower, but type, smile, eat, and think slower. Right now. Try it. We train ourselves to be efficient, and so run like robots in overdrive - ready to combust. Bring everything back to a half speed and you will suddenly notice the difference it makes to your well-being. There is no point in rushing (and that includes healing).

 

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Move

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In any way you can. It feels like the most unnatural thing to do when we are struggling, but we are worth the opportunity to express ourselves. Emotion is energy and energy needs movement. When I want to feel empowered, one way I do that is to learn Irish dance. I put the shoes on (I’m still a beginner) and sometimes I just sit down on the practice mat because I feel like such a fraud. When we feel panicked or unhappy, our immediate reaction is to make ourselves physically smaller, and this causes tension in our bodies. Our shoulders hunch up and we curl up into a ball.

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When we have emotion built up, the last thing we feel like doing is moving freely. It sounds ridiculous to say 'dance when you are sad', but the Shamans have been doing it successfully for thousands of years. I, too, have stood in the middle of a room, frozen in horror at the thought. Start in some way. Stamp your feet. Clap your hands. If you can sway, then do so. Move with emotion. If you hunch up and keep it with you, it causes dis-ease. Let it guide you, because when you allow it to move through your body, it can be rel-eased.

 

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Change Something Small Right Now

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There will be something you can do. It might be changing out of your pyjamas, clearing out a tiny bit of clutter, making a plan for a spontaneous trip away, reading up on the basics of something you’ve always wanted to learn, making a different lunch using a new recipe, or joining a class to learn how to make dream catchers (I don’t know!)

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Often, the feeling of being the one to make a change feels like a heavy burden, so just take one step. If you are sat down, stand up and take one step towards the drawer that needs clearing out. If you need to send an email, open your laptop slowly. Don't think about the long-term changes that need to be made; start with only the very next thing that you can change. And if it still feels too much, make it smaller still (I'm talking moving your right arm to the remote control so you can turn the television off..!)

 

 

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Understand Time Is An Illusion

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Imagine a timeline in front of you. Left to right, it shows a long line from past to future. The present is a small dot in the middle. See the line condense and become the one dot in the centre - the dot of the present moment. This is how time actually works, and why in many ancient civilisations it is depicted as being circular. Everything we think of – be it from the past or future - comes into the present moment when we bring it into our minds. The present moment contains everything, much like a black hole.

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This means that with every decision you make in the present moment, you are affecting the past and future as well. Journaling or meditating now affects the past and future.

 

 

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Put Your Phone Down

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It's the one that gets mentioned again and again, but apps and social media are built to be addictive - think of the red notifications. They are like beacons to us in darkness. We should be listening our body and its emotions first and foremost. Our nervous / immune / cardio systems all have ways of alerting us to our needs, but we are often too busy reading through Facebook posts or a bad piece of news to read into what our body is telling us.

 

Not only are we lied to by the news, but we are lied to by each other. Do you really think that woman who only posts pictures of gifts and babies and their picture-perfect boyfriend is having the best time all the time? No. They aren’t; but they, like the rest of us, want to put their best face forward because it makes them feel safe.  What you need in your life is authenticity, and we have to start building communities in which we aren’t pitting ourselves off against one another. Give yourself a five-minute window to quickly check in on the world once a day if necessary. And be mindful; understand that you posting a dishonest life could make someone else feel like a failure, alone, and  helpless.

 

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Give Yourself A Massage

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People tend to laugh at this one! But why can’t you? Just think… You’ve walked round with heavy bags all day or you’ve been carrying a toddler. Now your back is hurting, your feet are hurting, and even your hands hurt. Grab some moisturiser and reach for your shoulders, your feet, or even just press your thumbs into your palms. The act alone is enough of a leap to self-love. You don’t need to go mad; just sooth over the skin with love. You might even be able to untangle a few knots while you’re at it.

 

 

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Face The Sun (With Your Eyes Closed) At Sunrise Or Sunset

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Let the natural light in. Just five minutes a day gives us a huge boost. The sun is at the centre of our solar system for a reason – it is a huge energy centre for all of life. We exist only because we revolve around the sun.

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How often are you with the sun as it rises and sets? These times are both hugely potent; the sunrise as a bringer of new beginnings and opportunities, and the sunset as a way to call closure upon the day and the lessons it has brought. If there are only clouds to be seen, the natural light is still there because you can see them! Watch the sky change colour. Feel the time of day call to you as a way to bring in the new or shed the old.

 

 

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Find A Tree Or Plant

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Anything green or alive. Touch the leaves or hold onto the bark of a tree. Get lost in the minuscule details of something growing, preferably in the wild or flowers you have tended to. If you have a magnifying glass or a zoom filter on a camera, get as close as you can possibly get. See the details so that they shock you with their intricacy and intelligence. Be inspired by the smallest denominations. See the spiral of life – it is everywhere, including our very own DNA.

 

 

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Get To Water

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Whether you are staring at a river, watching the tide, sat in the bath, or letting shower water fall over you, water is your teacher. Water flows. It cleanses. The lungs are 83% water, which means that every breath you take uses water as a means into the body. The brain and heart are 73% water. This fact is not paid attention to enough; we are built to be fluid in all things, for even in the physical body, we are not solid like a table. We are somewhere between earth and water.

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When you reach it or see it or listen to it, feel it moving within you. Feel the tears and the sweat and the blood moving through you.

 

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Talk To Yourself

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But not in the way you usually do. Instead of ‘oh stupid (wo)man’ or ‘come on, up you get, you can do this’, sit down with yourself properly. Let your feelings arise in the body and know they are there because they need to be felt before they move on. They are asking you to realise and release something, whether it is childhood, ancestral or other. Guilt, humiliation, shame, neglect all have their part to play in the spectrum of emotion… Find it and know it is there for a reason. Ask it why it is trying to help you survive.

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Then talk. Tell yourself that you are here, ready to listen to your body. Be the love you need to move through it. Keep talking over all the fears your little self has, how you are always here, calm through them all, and how you will give yourself whatever it is you need. Be assertive but gentle with your compliments. Be a firm but kind word on any changes that need to be made. Instil a peaceful warrior inside yourself.

 

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Sing To Yourself

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Find the lyrics to a beautiful song that is full of love and humility; I go for Amazing Grace, but I’ll list some others below. You’ll know the words to some of them. Sing from the heart. Even if you are in a public place, you can sing inwardly (a great challenge here is to see how clearly you can hear yourself over the public din when singing silently!) Feel that love leaving you and coming back to you in abundance.

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Other songs:

You Raise Me Up, Bridge Over Troubled Water, What A Wonderful World, Three Little Birds (Every Little Thing Is Gonna Be Alright!), I Can See Clearly Now...

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(Contact me to add any other suggestions - let's make a long list!)

 

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Buy Or Make A Totem

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Totems and symbols are marvellous creations. Humanity thrives on them. Create a small symbol of your sovereignty or a lesson you have learned. We are all capable of celebrating everything equally – the successes and the lessons. By this, I mean that when you have been in dire straits before now, you have been the one to learn the lesson from it and move on a little wiser. You have either accepted help, created a new reality, or accepted what is. You are enough. Know this; know it fully. And make yourself something to symbolise it.

 

This could be searching for a rock on the beach that looks like a heart, having a miniature portrait of you drawn, or making your spirit animal. I once had the feeling the octopus was to be important to me. I had a few dry seeds and wrapped them in a piece of violet cloth, tied it with a hairband and cut the bottom into eight strings. Voila!

 

 

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Write A Letter

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To you, from you.

 

It can be from a soul level to the personality, or the masculine side of you (strength / ambition / protectiveness) to the feminine side of you (gentle / compassionate / ever-changing) or vice versa. You could choose to write from the light half of your self (goodness / caring / kindness) to the dark side of yourself (adventurous / daring / sexy), or the other way round. We live in duality, and so balancing these ‘halves’ of self is a liberating act.

 

 

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Be Of Service

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I am not talking about anything that drains you on a daily basis. Find a way to do something positive in a way that makes you feel energised. Bake a new cake recipe to take into your workplace, or buy food for someone who lives on the street. You can call / send an uplifting message to someone you know struggles, or donate some items you don’t use to charity. There is always something to be gained for someone who puts their best foot forward.

 

 

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Understand That The Universe Is Unimaginably Large, And That The Universe Resides In You

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The universe is expansive. It is growing at a rate we cannot comprehend, and our evolution is speeding up alongside it. Everything you see is a ‘code’ or a pattern for something larger. Look the known sizes up on the internet if you need a reminder – just how enormous the scale of our universe is and the tiny dot of our solar system, let alone earth, and even less so, you. Enjoy that. Let it provide a freedom that it doesn’t really matter what you do next. Let everything go and feel the pressure ease off.

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Once you have understood the scale of the universe, the next step is to understand that it all resides within you. You see this world through your eyes, and it is all merely a perception. You come here to dream for a few years. Everything you see around you is therefore all yours for the taking. Every moment is yours – you own moment. How you respond to each universal ‘code’ that comes your way leads to the next moment. Every time you claim sovereignty in your decision making is a moment where you are lead into new realities and opportunities.

 

 

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Let me know how you get on via the contact page of this site! Would love to hear of anything you think could be added to this article x

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