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Do you believe that your inner world and your outer world (what you perceive with your eyes, ears etc) are separate?

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When something makes you feel at dis-ease, how do you react to that feeling as it arises in your body?

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It took me twenty-eight years and ten months to realise that I should be meditating every day. How long has it taken you?

 

I had spent my life saying ‘no, no – I'll try it but it’s not for me. I need to be living. It's ridiculous to sit down and do nothing.’ The thought of wasting time panicked me, and so the whole idea seemed to defeat the objective, which was to 'relax'. I could relax with a glass of wine and an addictive television series. I wasn’t actually doing anything productive with the time I would have spent meditating – namely worrying about things. But I still decided I wouldn’t meditate. It was too scary.

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Lockdown sent us in many directions. Some have enjoyed the break from normal life, others have lost their jobs and panicked, and some people have desperately missed their concerts, festivals, and club nights. During recent times, there have been a lot of reports that have filled everyone with deep fears; namely of death. Still, we binge-watched more, exercised more, ate more, did everything more. I read more. After spending enough time alone, I ended up reading the bible cover to cover (not a great idea for a self-confessed 'witch').

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It’s safe to say that it became a dark time for most of us at one stage or another...

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For much of my life, I felt completely hopeless, as though everything was out of my control. I scared myself silly trying to feel alive, and I rushed into every healing I could find. I was still left with countless thoughts and insecurities knocking around inside my head, and I was bouncing back and forth trying to get free from different belief systems, the future, finances, anyone I found irritating, feeling as though I was being treated badly, that life was unfair etc... I found something new to worry about every hour.

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After feeling so crushed under it all, one evening I decided enough was enough. I sat down. I didn't set a timer on my phone to make sure I was behaving and sitting still for half an hour; I didn't look for someone else's meditation technique; I didn't even put on any ambient sounds. This was about finally taking responsibility for my relationship with my inner world. I did two things:

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- I breathed. 

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- Whenever a thought came, I said ‘there’s no point in fighting it’.

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I breathed again. The thoughts kept coming and I let them do what they wanted. I breathed again, and let whatever wanted to hit, hit.

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Note: the reason we don't do this naturally is because of the state of our minds and what they are being fed. Sitting down and surrendering goes against our survival instinct. The mind wants to DO. But the body, the heart, and the spirit... They want to BE. Which should be be listening to? The piece of us that is eternal.

 

We can live in survival instinct our whole lives; we are still going to die.

This is our challenge as souls. To stop and be. To face fear with love. 

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Forty-five minutes later, I had my breakthrough. The magical alchemy everyone always talks about was happening.

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Transmutation

noun

1. the action of changing or the state of being changed into another form.

 

Energy started shifting and I felt lighter.

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Since that breakthrough, it has become very clear that we have to go against our instinct as humans to reach heavenly states while here on earth. I have sat still as many times as is necessary a day. It has been two months, and I am now deep into cleansing my mind, which in turn gives the body and spirit the opportunity to heal and thrive. As I delve deeper and higher, I realise that what everyone has been saying is true. Meditating is the best form of healing. It works wonders. And it requires NOTHING. It doesn’t need money. It doesn’t require travel. It doesn’t even require sound – in fact, don’t use any sound. It is meant to be silence – not some wishy washy YouTube persona telling you you’re drifting out to sea in a rowing boat under the northern lights.

 

You are only needed here, in this moment, now.

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Breathe in silence; thoughts come up; neither judge them, nor judge yourself;

Say ‘there’s no point in fighting’ and let everything be with you, here, now.

If you get lost, be lost, and return to the breath.

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Let me be clear, when you sit down and say 'I'm not going to fight', you're going to have to go through it. But how long are you going to run from your thoughts for? You can try and make them better by focusing on the next thing there is to do, but your state of being will only be more twisted when you do eventually concede that you need to sit in silence, breathing through your hang ups. So do it now.

 

Some thoughts and feelings are going to overwhelm you. In my experience, some have been so painful that I fall off my cushion and curl up on the floor like a child while I sob. At other times, I will be thinking I'm on top of the world ...only to have an immense past pain pop up. Please do not think that shifting your old shit will be easy. This is fear we are talking about. We are wired to that beautiful yet mechanical organ that is our brain, and it only wants to keep us alive. It doesn’t care how we are living, or even if we feel like living at all. Add to that the fact that it has been programmed by strange childhoods and television, and we have a recipe for an unliving living person. Brains don’t take into account that we are trying to manifest ourselves a life of freedom and excitement, with starring roles in the West End and a million-pound villa in southern France. They want to scrape by using what they already know – and that is everything in THE PAST.

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When you start sitting in silence, the brain will feel lost without all its stimuli. Stay with the breath and notice as it gets very busy. And what does get busy with? The only thing it knows. The past. And so for as long as you do not transmute emotions of your past, the longer you will continue living them. There is no point in fighting it. To fight demons only breeds more demons. Sense where the anxieties, angers, and pains are in your physical body. They often pick a spot. Just know they are there. Breathe. Tell them you won’t fight them, but that you will sit with them until they decide to leave. Let it get tough. It has to before it passes.

 

Let me try and use an analogy: imagine we're being chased by the most terrifying beast we can think of... For years on end. Eventually we give up and lay down in surrender. Just before the giant ogre reaches us, we feel our most anxious. It arrives. It might step on us, or scream in our face, or shake us around a lot. The key is to allow it. Allow everything. We cannot fight something that knows it can scare us.

 

When we acknowledge our deepest fears without any fight, we are liberated beyond thoughts and emotions into immense bliss.

 

When it becomes too much, get back to the breath. Feel whatever is asking to be felt. And when you are no longer fighting it, it will leave. Pain looks for a reaction. When you stop giving it what it wants, you are literally rewiring your body.

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Once you’ve gotten into the swing of things, breathing calmly through any situation becomes a way of life. While it feels great, it’s easy to get complacent and to get carried away with thoughts every time you sit on your cushion. The ego is always waiting for the moment we are unawares. Remember, the focus is on the now. On the breath. Everything else comes and goes. Keep breathing, keep surrendering, keep coming back to the eternal now, and hey presto, you’re meditating.

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Why do it if we will come into a lot of pain?

 

Because our life changes without us realising.

 

For example, I gently coaxed a huge spider out of a small space the other night -- something I have never been able to do, particularly with a smile on my face. I am spending my evenings creating as opposed to thinking about what I'm lacking. I am living as though all my dreams are here already.

 

How?

 

Because when we close our eyes and face our deepest, darkest fears, we stop telling the universe that it can't gift us things. We accept, and allow life to flow. Once we have visited the depths of our soul, fears here on earth dissipate. Darkness can't survive when we've shone a light on it.

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Soon, you will probably find that you are searching for enlightenment and wondering why it hasn't arrived. We all do it. You will wonder why you haven't zoomed off to another dimension, or wonder what you're doing wrong when a new pain comes up and you feel like you're back at square one. This is simply another thought. Do not fight it, but acknowledge it. Back to the breath. The mind has plenty of tricks up its sleeve and is highly intelligent. It will try to make you think that it has given up and then come at you when you are unawares. So stay aware as much as you can. With each breath, focus on here and now. Allow what needs to come to you to do so, but try not to go off anywhere else when it hurts. If you do, come back in through your heart. Physically press your fingers to that central space in between your breasts. That's where the energy centre of your heart chakra is.

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What happens when we make this a priority?

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- our hearts fire off chemicals to the brain as opposed to the other way round; this creates peace, the end of all judgement, and invites in the divine force of presence.

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- we start to realise just how programmed we have been.

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- we allow healing to really happen when we are no longer running away from our own issues or chasing after people we believe can heal us.

 

EVERYTHING you need is inside you.

It is never anywhere else.

Our inner worlds hold the magic.

Just breathe and know.

 

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RESOURCES

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You can simply focus on however you breathe normally, but here are some expert tips:

 

The Three Part Yogic Breath - inhale through the nose (GENTLY) down into the chest, ribcage, and stomach (let it all expand – put a hand on your stomach if you want to focus), and breathe out through the nose / nose and mouth (AGAIN, GENTLY), letting everything go as the stomach deflates. It doesn't matter if you can't find your rhythm at first and feel one of those little breaths needed through the mouth.

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Box Breath - visualise a square. Breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, breathe out for a count of four, hold for a count of four (follow the four sides of the square).

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Reiki Breath - breathe six times a minute (five seconds inhale, five seconds exhale). Bring the palms up in front of you on the inhale, and relax them down on the exhale.

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For those of you up for a challenge, Rebirthing is one of the most profound experiences I have had. You can find meditations at alchemyofbreath.com or there is also a free YouTube 'Guided Rebirthing Session with Devaraj'.

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Further Resources:

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I cannot recommend these enough. YouTube:

SAMADHI – PART 1 (by Awaken the World)

SAMADHI – PART 2 (by Awaken the World)

 

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Please let me know how you get on via the contact page!

 

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